This was my severe heart break of all time. My first love. I was 15 when I met him in a church outing. We went to puncak and he was the leader of my group. All I can say he was a cool boy, he doesn't like to talk much but I saw him very charming. He was 5 years older than me, I was in 9th grade, he was 12th grade. Last year of highschool. He not passed grade 2 times. (That's why he's older than most of his classmate friends)
At first I never interested in him, but because of his very gentle personality I fall for him. He was like the 'dad' figure in our group. Very thoughtful of another member and obviously he liked me because my mysterious traits. I never talk to anybody but I did very competitive in every games and like to take the lead.
I remember he came after me after dinner and just sit next to me looking at the sky and asking me standard questions, where my school, which grade. He went to different school. I was like very cold and never respond to him. He never gave up and really pay attention to me whenever I need anything. He was a gentleman I can say. Not like the other careless boys I knew, I can see he respect woman.
He ask my phone number and I kind of waiting for him but he never contact me until about 3 months he went straight to me after church and drove me home. He asked my number again. Turned out he lost one number from the previous number I gave him. That's why his message never reach me. I appreciate his effort and we went to church every week after that. I do like him because of his personality. He was so sweet and everything nice.
Surprisingly, he was a total different guy when he was not with me. He was like a very troubled guy at school, a bad boy who likes to fight. Literally. I don't even know how many other students he already fight with. It all ended with blood, there was one boy who had nose broken and brain damage because of him. He also a drug dealer in his school. Real narcotics drug.
I was in total shocked but he showed me a very different person, he was so sensitively romantic, like poetry, and gave me flowers. There was one time he took me to menteng park and bow down to ask if I wanted to be his girlfriend, he gave me flowers. My first happy time in love. I was so in love with him.
My parents didn't like him because of his trouble maker reputation, and he came from eastern indonesia. My parents always think eastern people are not responsible, like to party a lit and drug dealers which he was. Later on police looking for him and catch one of his friend. He moved to Bali and never come back to Jakarta until now.
So, we did everything backstreet way. We saw each other after I finished school. He went to my school all the way from his campus (after graduate from highschool he went to a culinary school) and drop me home. I was so happy being with him but because of his reputation and lifestyle, I really have to leave him. So I did when I went to high school, I never contacted him anymore, just disappeared for 3 years straight.
3 years passed by, I tried to search his Facebook and contacted him again. He was in Bali, working there (and runaway from Jakarta). I went to Bali to visit him and once again, I fell in love so deeply. All the memories are perfect. We went to beach in the night, see the stars and planning our future together. He wanted me to go to his village in Flores and build our little house in his father land. We talk about wedding, everything. Oh. I thought I was so closed to find my other half. I made a decision that this is the person, my perfect man for the rest of my life.
We did long distance relationship for about a year. We talked on phone every day, he was so sweet and all. I wrote him love letters every single fucking day, and I kept it to give him on his birthday on november that year. I planned everything, from flight, hotel, every single damn thing, writing on his cake and all of my poetry of him.
On October, He disappeared for 2 weeks. He never pick my call or reply my message but his phone always ringing. Something's wrong but I keep positive. Maybe he's busy with his job or whatever. At the end of 2 weeks, he sms me like this : I'm sorry Hesy, we can't be together again any longer. I'm so busy and I can't continue this relationship anymore. If God has different plan, we will meet again.
I was in my friend's house in pasar baru, we had this book launch meeting and I was with many of them. Like surrounded by 15 people when I got that message. I cried and I can't even move my limbs. I'm in the middle of eating nasi goreng, I can't even taste the nasi goreng anymore. That was like the only time my heart skip a beat. Like I stopped breathing for a second and it felt like something stabbed my heart. It was real. It was paining me physically. I wanted to die. I cried nonstop for weeks. I asked him for another reason but he never reply anything at all. I left in the cold.
Lucky me, I was so busy that moment. I had book launch event, I was very active on my University extracurricular, I even try to sell food and anything. I made money on my own and keep myself busy. I had great grades also. So, I channeled all my sorrow to something positive.
Around few weeks after that, I have the urge to stalk him from my friend's Facebook and wanted to know what's going on in his life. I found out, he is in relationship with another girl. I was deppresed, I was angry and I felt like why he betrayed me like that. My heart broke again but now with anger.
I called him like many times and the other girl pick. She sad he's mine now. I was very very angry and cursed her. Finally she gave the phone to him and let me talked to him. I asked why you did this to me. He asnwered because I was always acting smart in front of him. Like I knew everything (because I literally knew more than him). I did talk to him about random things like new inventions, another culture from another countries, world news. Turn out he never interested in whatever I shared to him. He was intimidated by me and he prefer to be with the waitress in restaurant he worked. He cheated on me.
Life is fair. I never wanted to be with a guy who lack of knowledge and never thrive to do anything more in his life. He is now married to the same girl he cheated on me. I found out universe have bigger plan on me than being ended up with that kind of man.
After a long journey of hoping in something, I finally realized that he really not my other half.
On that day I found out he was cheated on me, I swear to myself that I have to go to Bali in the next year with my new boyfriend and my boyfriend have to be much much better than him.
It will be happening on the next year, same date as the year I swear to myself..
To be continued...
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