I realize that currently I'm at the end of my 20s, I'll be 27 soon. So I conclude that I past teenager and youth phase of my life safely but bruised severely.
I like to talk about my past to my friends, but maybe they're sick of listening to my story again and again so, I will just pour it up here.
My love life is like a book literally, and very random and crazy stories.
I started dating when I was about 15, before that I just like boys from a far and never do anything about it. Well I did though.
When I was 12 (6 grade) I like a boy who 6 years older than me, he was 12 grade or last year of highschool. I don't know why but I like him a lot. He was the most beautiful boy I ever see. The first human being I admire.
I was a very creepy secret admirer. I was looking for his information everywhere. Where he live (from library computer and yearbook after he graduate from highschool) , where he go on weekend, which time he go to church, which car he drove (I remember all the plates) , even every sandal he wore.
I follow him when he go home, I stalk him every where, I stalk his mom, his sister, even try to look for any information on whatever he like from his friend. I go distance to sms his friend. I literally ask my friend who join orchestra extracurricular to give me number of his class mate. I did ask him and met him. Remember,I was 12 and his friend was 17. I was so confident I don't even know why.
So, I dig informations about him and finally got his number. I was so happy and afraid at that time. I was nervous and want to vomit before I press send on my first sms. My first sms was hi, can we be friends? I want to know you more, then we talk excessively everyday. I was so happy but I never tell him who I was. He never know me or my name.
I researched all of his hobby, I read his favourite comic books, I learned basketball well, only the rules so we can talk about it. I learned tennis also, because I know he play tennis on weekend.
I even ask my mom about him from his sister. My mom was his sister lecturer in University. So my mom knew I was crazy about him. I even ask my mom to look for his information from his mom. I ask my mom to talk to his mom. Omfg. I was a crazy obsessive 12 year old girl.
The day finally come after about a year of stalking and endless research. We made appointment to meet. We sit side by side in church and do small conversation for the first and the last time. He seemed not interested in me. What do you expect young Hesy?? I was a 12 yrs old girl who never have boyfriend or any romantic experience, I never care about my looks (I didn't know anything yet about make up or whatsoever). Clearly as 18 yr old boy, he look for somebody at least 2 yrs younger and good looking. I knew now his preference. He like petite girl and light skin girl (his present wife) I was tall, I think he even shorter than me and have dark skin.
After we met, he never sms me anymore, but I still sms him everyday good morning and good night, greet him birthday wishes or any motivational quotes. He only reply yes and thank you. Until one day a girl call me on my house line to stay away from him and yelled at me being a 'relationship wrecker'. First of all I didn't even know he had girlfriend, he never responded to me well after we met, and he never sms me back with any romantic text.
I crushed for the first time ever to a boy who never even value me or my effort. I remember I cried in the shower and can't eat for days. I avoid him at the church, I avoid him at the English course (I found out he also study English at the same place but only different level, I study there like 10 years and we passed each other years before I even know him)
My first ever heart break and not even had a chance to develop to any romantic relationship.
The boy after this is his friend. Yep. The friend whom I know this guy from. He was a 'bad boy' type. A school band guitarist. Very different from the nerdy first one. I didn't like him at first but I was so heart broken, so I kind of want to experience what being in relationship like.
We met in church then he took me to Monas with his motorbike. We talk about lots of things and he gave me an offer. To be his girlfriend for a night. I agreed. Then I have my first kiss there. My first ever physical contact with boys and I can't get over it. I like when he hug me and fall for him instantly. At the end of the night he drop me in front of my house and give me another offer to be his girlfriend for a week. I agreed.
We met after school in front of mary statue at the church garden. We just looking at each other and talk about our day before we went home. He never introduced me to his friends or even say hi when we passed. He pretend that he don't know me. It was a backstreet relationship. We only gave code to each other and secretly meet when all the students go home, when the school empty.
A week past and turn into months, about 2 months he graduated from highschool and just cut me off. He said he was going to study abroad and will never see me again. He never contact me since, even a single word. Again I was crushed. I hospitalized for 2 weeks the day after and he never go to hospital to see me. I cried everyday at the hospital. I was 13. I never consider this was a serious relationship but I crushed already.
To be continued...
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