Don't mistake my quiet for something empty inside. Have you ever wonder what is inside my mind? Heaps! You have no idea.
I might not talk too much or socialize but believe it or not, I find my own company is the best company.
People who tend to be a loner is satisfied with whatever they have in theirself.
I contemplate every single thing in my head, I make conversations like I have many voices in my head.
I don't need people validation or people giving me any attention. I am whole within me.
Sometimes I do miss others company, just to change mind or thoughts and have little real conversation, but I can't do it too much like normal people. I feel like somehow people can invade my sanctuary when they get too close.
But as a social animal, we human need others company to help us to survive in this cruel cruel world and our purpose in this world is to help each other with our unique ability.
So,for the sake of looking like normal human, I have to do small talk to strangers which I never put my full attention to. Well, that is my mistake, I might look like arrogant or apathetic. Maybe it's true.
Once I impressed on how certain people treat me, like friends who have similar thoughts and believe, I can really open to them like nothing between us. Oh, I expect the same also. Openness is important to me. When I open myself to certain people, I expect nothing less.
He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know. -lao tzu
Wednesday, 30 May 2018
Let's talk about life
Life yes life. We actually live in it, we live inside our mortal organic bodily shell and we can die, our body can shut off whenever it need to shut off. Why I said need? Because all of us have our time in this world and we can't live forever. For this few months I watch this very interesting YouTube channel called ask a mortician who talk about death. Literally. There are also lots of history of how human cope with the dead. Interesting. I always scared of the death because the idea of gone and can't be seen wherever in this world is horrifying to me. I just disapear and decay. It is scary because our society see death as something horror, mysterious and gross.Yes it might be true because we live in society that see death is not friendly, we never get in touch with the death ourself and leave it to mortician. So, this channel give me new perspective of death that we must die and we will die. it is natural and death is not the end. Death is only a gateway for us to a totally new life and we should embrace it not to be feared.
Refer to hans Wilhelm ; a childbook author who is very fascinated of how our life works, our life in this world is just a school for our soul. So in this short earth time, our soul will learn about mistakes we did in our pastlive to be improved so our soul can graduate and evolve to a higher level of soul. The higher level the soul is, the closer the soul can back in to God's love.
You can call it reincarnation. Our soul will reincarnate when we die. The time when we will reincarnate is depend on how we live in this world. If we still have unfinished business in this world like guilty feelings toward another person, have secret from someone, not forgiving etc. Our soul can still linger in this world and live as bound spirit (you can call it ghost) that still attached to the place where they lived before.
Soul as we have inside our body is an infinite matter that will never die. Our body can die but not our soul. Our soul indeed already going through many lives before but never aware of whatever happen before because everytime we born in this earth, our soul will start a new journey, it's like a riddle game that you should play but without any manual instruction. Some of them have hint and still remember what happen in their past lives but mostly no. So why are we not permitted to know about our past live? Because if we know it will be cheat codes of life. We know what our soul need to complete it's test and we never learn our lesson.
In the school of life you will meet other souls or some kind like a group of souls that will live with us in the same time of our life. They can be family, friends, lover or even enemy from your past live and will meet you again as coincidence in your life (I already talk about coincidence before). Coincidence is actually not coincidence because everything already planned long before by our souls come in to the world through a life agreement.
Life agreement or path of life was made by our souls with the guidance of the angels. Usually angels give us choices of life path, what kind of family we want to live with, how difficult will your life be, the harder the life the better your life can be evolve of course if you pass the life test and not repeating the same mistake before or you just quit life and suicide.
God also give us freewill for whatever we want to do in our life so we actually can make decision in our life. that decision will determine whether we pass the test or not.
There is also bad spirits or we call it devil that can tempt us to not fulfill our purpose in our life, that can slow the process of learning our lesson in this life. So, the life test is not easy.
But what is test without preparation. Apparently God gave us tools to conquer this big ol school life. We call it intelligence or brain to solve the riddle in life. We can think and make something to make our life easier. But by the nature of human, sometimes they too much using their intelligent and forget where they are coming from. God.
Not only that, God give us guardian angel to look after us and we can access them by meditating. We can ask them for guidance and they will show us hint from our surroundings. Like coincidences! How many times you want the answer of something and voila, it is right there. Angels give us sign that come in every way possible. Just like the glitch in your watch or phone showing 1111 or random numbers look like very 'catchy' to us. That is the sign that the universe give you sign or maybe some sort of comforter that you are right in your path.
To be continued
Refer to hans Wilhelm ; a childbook author who is very fascinated of how our life works, our life in this world is just a school for our soul. So in this short earth time, our soul will learn about mistakes we did in our pastlive to be improved so our soul can graduate and evolve to a higher level of soul. The higher level the soul is, the closer the soul can back in to God's love.
You can call it reincarnation. Our soul will reincarnate when we die. The time when we will reincarnate is depend on how we live in this world. If we still have unfinished business in this world like guilty feelings toward another person, have secret from someone, not forgiving etc. Our soul can still linger in this world and live as bound spirit (you can call it ghost) that still attached to the place where they lived before.
Soul as we have inside our body is an infinite matter that will never die. Our body can die but not our soul. Our soul indeed already going through many lives before but never aware of whatever happen before because everytime we born in this earth, our soul will start a new journey, it's like a riddle game that you should play but without any manual instruction. Some of them have hint and still remember what happen in their past lives but mostly no. So why are we not permitted to know about our past live? Because if we know it will be cheat codes of life. We know what our soul need to complete it's test and we never learn our lesson.
In the school of life you will meet other souls or some kind like a group of souls that will live with us in the same time of our life. They can be family, friends, lover or even enemy from your past live and will meet you again as coincidence in your life (I already talk about coincidence before). Coincidence is actually not coincidence because everything already planned long before by our souls come in to the world through a life agreement.
Life agreement or path of life was made by our souls with the guidance of the angels. Usually angels give us choices of life path, what kind of family we want to live with, how difficult will your life be, the harder the life the better your life can be evolve of course if you pass the life test and not repeating the same mistake before or you just quit life and suicide.
God also give us freewill for whatever we want to do in our life so we actually can make decision in our life. that decision will determine whether we pass the test or not.
There is also bad spirits or we call it devil that can tempt us to not fulfill our purpose in our life, that can slow the process of learning our lesson in this life. So, the life test is not easy.
But what is test without preparation. Apparently God gave us tools to conquer this big ol school life. We call it intelligence or brain to solve the riddle in life. We can think and make something to make our life easier. But by the nature of human, sometimes they too much using their intelligent and forget where they are coming from. God.
Not only that, God give us guardian angel to look after us and we can access them by meditating. We can ask them for guidance and they will show us hint from our surroundings. Like coincidences! How many times you want the answer of something and voila, it is right there. Angels give us sign that come in every way possible. Just like the glitch in your watch or phone showing 1111 or random numbers look like very 'catchy' to us. That is the sign that the universe give you sign or maybe some sort of comforter that you are right in your path.
To be continued
What I miss from you
I miss your smile, I miss how you roll your eyes when you talk about something you like. I miss your thick dark curly hair that you always put baby oil on. I miss your off key deep voice when you sing Westlife song, oh did you remember the first song you want me to listen from your phone with your big blue headphone? It's man in the mirror by Michael Jackson and when I talk to you louder you were like shhhh, don't talk to loud. I miss how you put your gray pants and asking me was it good on you and how you want to go to mall like before going to church just to replace that one because too big on you.
I miss how you look at me at the church and how you awkwardly clapping your hand while people dancing frantically. I miss how we look at each other when someone acting weirdly or sleeping at the church, oh did you remember that guy who always fall asleep wherever he is? He can even sleep in the lift and people have to take him go to his room? We laugh secretly when a man dance Soo happy and weird but later on he died the next week?
I miss how you cook that egg and plaintain I was just looking at you slicing that plaintain. I miss how you love that bread with beef floss and ask me what is it? I really wish I can buy that bread for you again.
I miss how you talk about Obama and his speech about nasi goreng and when you found out he lived in Indonesia before. I miss how you love watching movie and download it to your laptop.
I miss how we have long conversation till morning and I remember that story you have crush to a girl and sent her a love letter secretly. How cute and I wish you do the same for me.
I miss the first time we met at the church, you look like someone creepy staring at me from your seat and later follow me to buy cigarette down at the foodhall. I even still remember how you sit when you told me I'm beautiful. That time I wanted to say thank you but I can't because doh.. why the hell I reply that kind of catcall. But I think I smile anyway.
Oh I remember you let me wear your shirt and boxer and you iron my pink shirt also in the morning! You said I do it for my baby. That is the sweetest thing someone do to me.
Well, I might not know you much but for several months you make my life happier and believe I can love again. Thank you my nwoke oma for give me the best memories in my darkest days. Everything will be alright and we will meet again very soon.
I miss how you look at me at the church and how you awkwardly clapping your hand while people dancing frantically. I miss how we look at each other when someone acting weirdly or sleeping at the church, oh did you remember that guy who always fall asleep wherever he is? He can even sleep in the lift and people have to take him go to his room? We laugh secretly when a man dance Soo happy and weird but later on he died the next week?
I miss how you cook that egg and plaintain I was just looking at you slicing that plaintain. I miss how you love that bread with beef floss and ask me what is it? I really wish I can buy that bread for you again.
I miss how you talk about Obama and his speech about nasi goreng and when you found out he lived in Indonesia before. I miss how you love watching movie and download it to your laptop.
I miss how we have long conversation till morning and I remember that story you have crush to a girl and sent her a love letter secretly. How cute and I wish you do the same for me.
I miss the first time we met at the church, you look like someone creepy staring at me from your seat and later follow me to buy cigarette down at the foodhall. I even still remember how you sit when you told me I'm beautiful. That time I wanted to say thank you but I can't because doh.. why the hell I reply that kind of catcall. But I think I smile anyway.
Oh I remember you let me wear your shirt and boxer and you iron my pink shirt also in the morning! You said I do it for my baby. That is the sweetest thing someone do to me.
Well, I might not know you much but for several months you make my life happier and believe I can love again. Thank you my nwoke oma for give me the best memories in my darkest days. Everything will be alright and we will meet again very soon.
I want to be your happy ending. A year later.
I still want. I still want to be your happy ending. You are the only person I want till the end of time but time is not on our side well at least my side.
I miss you. Every single damn day. I see your picture everyday and it is sad that I can't contact you. I really want to see you, even just in my dream.
For everyone who wants to know what is like to miss a person so much. The feeling is like something is taken from you. You feel incomplete, you find reminiscing time you spent with him before is your favourite time but always end with messy tears of sadness after.
I'm here wondering if he can feel whatever I feel this excruciating pain of missing him, or if he miss me as much as I do.
I hope we can see each other soon and time will be on our side this time. But if this not the right time let my soul wait for you for the right time.
I miss you. Every single damn day. I see your picture everyday and it is sad that I can't contact you. I really want to see you, even just in my dream.
For everyone who wants to know what is like to miss a person so much. The feeling is like something is taken from you. You feel incomplete, you find reminiscing time you spent with him before is your favourite time but always end with messy tears of sadness after.
I'm here wondering if he can feel whatever I feel this excruciating pain of missing him, or if he miss me as much as I do.
I hope we can see each other soon and time will be on our side this time. But if this not the right time let my soul wait for you for the right time.
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