Signs

To survive in this cold hearted world I live in now,  it's hard to see people's real intention toward you. You feel crushed to know that there is always something behind people's action. Money mostly. People see you as a commodity or something they use for their own benefit.

Disappointment feeling of why people treat you not the way you wanted and find out their real intentions is overbearing me right now.

I'm talking about people whom I try to trust. Because I always try to trust people genuinely and naively. I'm the person who believe in people easily and always try to see goodness in people and sadly it is hard for me to do it again. I trust people less and less and questions everybody more everyday.

But I still believe people anyway. I'm a believer. I always convince myself that as long as my intention is good and not to harm people, God will lead me to a better place even though I will have bruises and scars all over.

Yes, sometimes I feel lonely and I have much times to contemplate who is the real people that unconditionally love me. I found none. Even my own people I called family.

God give me signs everywhere from the radio I played, the numbers I saw everywhere, That I'm not alone, even when I feel like I'm alone. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is creeping me out every single day. I feel worthless not knowing why I have to be born in this world in the first place. Why this life is not going like I dream of or I expected.

Expectations kill. Kill your soul. Most of the time our expectations will not match our reality. And that is okay. That is life. I still try to learn this every single day. I hope I will understand one day.

Signs from God even the littlest one is enough for me that I'm not alone and one thing, He always provides for me. Even when I can't eat and I don't have place to go, He always send somebody to help me. I am grateful for everything. He never let me walk alone or left me hungry. It is more than enough.